Losing My Inhibitions
by VixenNator
Summary: Edward's tight control on his 'morals' threaten to destroy a renewed relationship. As his relationship with Bella progresses, will he learn to love himself in time or will his fears cause the relationship to breakdown? EPOV to 'The WorkOut Plan'. Rated M


**A/N at the bottom.**

**This time, **_Italics_** are Edward's thoughts.**

**Disclaimer: It's not mine.**

**All mistakes are mine...this chapter comes to you unbeta'd.**

**

* * *

This is Edward's Point of View to 'The WorkOut Plan'. It could probably stand alone but you might want to go and read TWP first.**

**

* * *

**

"Bella, we should stop," I pleaded as I pushed her soft body away from mine. I got up from the bed and scurried over to the window in an attempt to put distance between us and get my thoughts in order.

_Dammit, why does Bella insist on pushing me? _

_It's not as if I don't want her; every fibre of my being does!_

_She's going to start feeling like I rejected her soon..._

These thoughts swirled around my head at warped speed as I gazed down at the snow covered ground. I tried to figure out the best way to start talking about what just happened, before Bella's feelings of inadequacy crept on her.

"Edward...?" Her quite voice probed through the fog of thoughts in my head. I could hear the trepidation and sadness that laced the voice, and it broke my heart. I must have taken too long to answer her because she snapped at me; the rejection masked as annoyance breaking through the sadness to reach me.

_Ah, there is it._

You'd think that with the amount of times we had this altercation, I would know how to placate Bella, but each time it happened I was at a loss as to how to continue, so I proceeded with caution.

"Nothing Bella," I answered her.

"Well, that 'nothing' must be very interesting since it's holding your attention so keenly," She retorted back.

_Man, she's __**really**__ pissed. I hate it when it gets this bad._

With a sigh, I turned around to face her and almost got lost in her deep pools of chocolate but was shocked out of it when she started ranting about me pitying her because she human...or something. Feelings of pure confusion washed over me as I stood stock still and replayed my actions to try and see what could have set her off like this but amidst her tirade, she managed to get her dainty feet tangled up in the sheets and went flying forwards. Without thinking about it, I dashed to her and steadied her before she hit the floor. My arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her into my chest.

_This is where she belongs; in my arms._

I was brought out of my reverie when I felt her mumble something into my chest. I realised that she probably couldn't breathe from her position against me, so I pushed her away and asked her to repeat what she said. I laughed internally when she complained about me spoiling her tantrum. Didn't she know that if I left her to fall we would be in a completely different situation? One that wouldn't bode well for her. Besides, we had promised not to leave things unsaid between us, especially after the incident of last spring, so I reminded her of it. She responded by mumbling to herself in a sarcastic manner, forgetting that I could here every single word.

"Bella, we can't communicate with you being snarky with me. Please baby, I don't want us to fight, we seem to be doing that a lot lately," I pleaded, hoping to pacify the situation quickly.

_I hate fighting with her, but I'm so out of my element in this relationship stuff...wait, did she just say I treat her like a child?_

"Bella, I don't-" I started, wanting to dispel that notion from her head immediately, but she interrupted me.

"Let me finish Edward," she said, her voice laced with determination.

I nodded my head to let her know that she could continue.

"I know you feel like I'm pushing your boundaries but how do you know what they are if you've never even tested them out? It's really starting to affect me baby, which I think is what's putting the strain on our relationship."

_Oh god, please not this again. Doesn't she know just how strong I am? Or just how sharp my teeth are? Doesn't she know how careful we both need to tread?_

I started to tell her that I didn't ever want to hurt her the way I could if we were to be reckless in our intimacy. I needed her to know that I did appreciate her needs because I had the same desires, probably at an escalated level coupled with the bloodlust I felt for her. I urged her to have a little patience with me because while I wouldn't make her wait for me forever, I needed a bit more time.

She was obviously very happy with what I said because the second after I stopped talking, she was in my arms again peppering hot kisses on my face before kissing my lips. When she pulled away, I was lost, once again, in her expressive eyes.

We were into another heated round of kissing, when I heard the unmistakable sing-song tenor of my sister's mind.

_Edward, I'm coming in there so you better stop doing whatever you don't want me to see._

I pulled away from Bella's lips and immediately I saw her eyebrows furrow in confusion. I let her know that I was only pulling away because Alice was about to enter the room. She mumbled something about Alice being a 'cock-blocking pixie' and I burst out into laughter as Alice entered the room.

"I hope I wasn't interrupting anything?" She asked out loud to Bella, while she thought to me: _"I know exactly what I was interrupting, Edward."_

Bella didn't miss a beat as she retorted back to Alice and I fought hard to keep myself from laughing out loud again out of fear of what Alice would do to me. They continued their banter between each other while I watched from the outskirts, completely amused by the whole thing. Bella must have said something to that Alice didn't agree with because all of a sudden her lips were turned into the most delicious pout.

_Oh dear god, those lips. Fuck, I can't wait until she's a vampire so I can bite them as hard as I really want to._

I was brought out of my inner musings by Alice coming to kiss my cheek in greeting. She informed Bella that she was taking her shopping with Rosalie and while I knew that Rosalie and Bella had gotten over their differences, it was still unusual for her to tag along their shopping trips. I probed Alice's mind to find out what she had planned for Bella but was met with _"don't you want me baby, don't you want me ooh"._

"Alice, why are you blocking your thoughts from me?" I asked while frowning slightly. I didn't like it when Alice blocked her thoughts from me; I hated to be left out of the loop, especially when it came to Bella. She rebuked me for being so inquisitive and assured me that I would benefit from it. I pursed my lips in thought as to what Alice could have planned for Bella when I was hit with a vision from Alice.

_*Bella sauntering over to me, placing her hands on my chest and reaching up to capture my bottom lip between her teeth*_

I felt a corner of my mouth turn up as I appraised Bella in her state of obvious lust. Alice declared it was time for me to leave so I walked over to Bella and pulled her into my arms. I whispered into her ear, letting her know that I was aware of what she wanted to do to me. It was supposed to be funny but it had the opposite effect on her and I could smell her arousal; thick and heady. Before I could start anything, Alice reminded me once again to leave, adding that Jasper and Emmet were waiting for me back at the house, in her mind.

I kissed my love quickly and made my way out of the house, walking at a leisurely pace until I reached the woods. There, I broke out into a full run, hoping to expel all residual feelings of Bella-induced lust from my system before I got home.

It was unnecessary, but as I drew nearer to the house I slowed my movements so that I was jogging at what would be deemed a human's pace as I reached the front door. I let myself in, opened my mind to see who else was in the house and realised I was alone. I knew Alice and Rosalie were with Bella but before I had the chance to wonder where the other members of my family were, my phone buzzed in my pocket. It was a text message.

_**Jazz and Emmet are hunting. Esme is with Carlisle, but she could do with a hunt so pick her up on your way to meet the boys. - Alice x**_

I smiled to myself before exiting the house and breaking out into a run in the opposite direction I had arrived. I slowed down, once again, as I neared the Hospital and walked leisurely into the building. I made my way to the elevator, smiling politely at the elderly woman that stood next to me, also waiting for the lift. When it arrived, I motioned for the lady to go in before me and walked in behind her.

"What floor, ma'am?" I asked.

"Twelfth, please," she replied, gazing up at me as a startled look came across her face. "_Oh my..."_

I pressed the twelfth floor button and the fifteenth, which would take me to Carlisle's floor, and waited patiently as the doors closed. As we made our ascent, I probed her mind, trying to figure out what I did that could have startled her. Immediately, I was hit with images of a man and woman sitting by a river bank, enjoying a beautiful picnic in the summer sun. I knew the woman in the images was the younger version of the one that stood next to me, and judging by the way she looked at the man and the intense emotion that shone out of his eyes when he looked at her, I knew that they were to each other what Bella was to me: soul mates. For a woman her age, the images were surprisingly clear and included the finest details, almost as if she wouldn't let herself forget anything. I could tell that it was one of her most cherished memories. I was transported into more of the woman's memories where I gathered that her name was Ava and his was Henry. A warm feeling spread across my chest as I revelled in the love shared between them and it made me ache to have Bella in my arms.

"_He reminds me so much of my Henry...so beautiful and charming. He looks like a boy in love."_

She couldn't have been more on the mark if she tried.

I was abruptly cut off from the images by the pinging of the elevator letting us know that we had reached the first stop. I watched smiling as Ava shuffled towards the doors, when she turned around to face me.

"Cherish every moment you have with her dear. Don't let any moment go to waste. And you tell her you love her every single day." Her voice caught a little at the end.

"I will," I promised.

"Good. Now you have a lovely day young man," she said, smiling.

"And you too," I replied before taking a step forward and leaning down to peck her papery thin cheek. "Thank you, Ava."

"_Oh my..."_

With that, she turned and walked to her destination.

The doors closed behind her, allowing the elevator to take me to Carlisle's floor. I stepped out and made my way to Carlisle's office, slowing down before I got there in case he and Esme were...otherwise engaged.

"_You can come straight in Edward. No need to knock."_ Carlisle's thoughts called to me.

I obeyed and walked in. I was immediately assaulted by a small body knocking into me and wrapping its arms around my neck.

"Hi Esme," I greeted.

"Oh Edward, I feel like I haven't seen you in so long," she said, leaning back to look at my face and cupping my cheek.

"I know, that's why I'm here to steal you from Carlisle and take you out to dinner," I said grinning.

My attempt at humour proved successful as Esme burst into peals of laughter. Her laugh was so infectious that Carlisle and I had no choice but to join her.

"Well in that case, let me grab my coat," she said, once she had regained her unnecessary breath.

She turned to get her coat, allowing me to exchange a few pleasantries with Carlisle. By the wistful look on his face, I knew we were overdue for some time together. It had been so long since I spent any time with him and I missed my oldest friend and father figure.

"_Edward, maybe you could stop by sometime this week during lunchtime? We could go for a run perhaps..."_

I nodded my head and smiled in response to his thought, letting him know that I would like nothing more. He smiled at me before turning his attention on to Esme. They kissed each other goodbye and I extended my arm for Esme to take so I could escort her outside. We made small talk on the way out of the hospital and as soon as we were deep enough into the woods, we broke out into a run. Soon enough we met up with the rest of the family sans Carlisle and Alice and we all made our way further up north in order to get enough game to hunt. Within the hour, we were joined by Alice and continued with our hunting trip. The hunt itself was uneventful and I found myself itching to get back to the house where I knew Bella was currently sleeping. The others must have sensed my apprehension as they began burying the carcasses and gathering their belongings, getting ready to head home. Conversation passed easily between us as we ran home but I found myself not paying attention to them; my mind was solely on Bella. When the house loomed into view, I increased the strides in my steps, hoping to get to her that much faster. I had my foot in the door and was ready to head upstairs when I heard a voice scream out at me in my head.

"_Edward, wait!"_

I turned to face the culprit with an incredulous look on my face. Didn't she know I needed to be with my beloved?

"What is it Alice?"

"She's had quite the day, you should let her rest some more." She patted my arm before walking around me and heading up to the room she shared with Jasper.

I stood near the door with the side of me that needed to see her warring with the side that recognised she was still human and needed her rest.

_**If I wake her up now surely she can sleep later?**_

_Edward don't be so selfish...let the poor girl sleep._

_**Ugh, this would be so much easier if she weren't human.**_

_So are we going to change her?_

_**No! I mean...yes...eventually.**_

I shook my head to dispel the thoughts, horrified that I was now arguing with myself. With a sigh I moved to join Emmett on the couch where he was watching sport highlights on the TV. I leaned my head backwards and closed my eyes, breathing in to fill my lungs with Bella's now-faint scent. Immediately I allowed images of her to invade my mind and revelled in them while simultaneously listening to the tick-tock of the clock. After what seemed like 2 hours, I lifted my head from the back of the couch and looked at the clock.

_Thirty fucking minutes?_

With a groan I allowed my head to drop back onto the couch, and willed the time to go faster.

_Why couldn't we have a time flow manipulator in our family? I could just avoid all this waiting..._

"Edward, I swear to god if you don't stop bouncing your goddamn leg like a goddamn junkie waiting for a fix, I'm gonna rip it the fuck off!" Emmett bellowed at me.

"You know what Emmett, you can suck my-"

"Boys!" Esme called out from somewhere in the house.

I got up suddenly from the couch and without realising it, started to pace up and down the living room.

"Edward, you're going to wear a patch into the carpet if you don't calm down. What's got you so antsy?" Emmett asked.

"I don't know Emmett, I just want...need Bella in my arms," I replied.

He offered no retort after that and from his thoughts I saw he understood the feeling I was having; the insatiable need to have your mate near you. I always missed Bella when I was separated from her. That coupled with the encounter I had with Ava at the hospital heightened my need for her.

_I need to see her..._

I rubbed my hands over my face in frustration and began to make my way up the stairs towards our room.

_I just want to see her; I won't wake her up..._

I found myself outside the door to our room and I let myself in lithely, shutting the door close behind me, and walking over to the side of the bed. I leaned over her slightly, watching as her chest rose and fell in a slow rhythmic pattern, and smiled to myself. Moving to the other side of the bed, I climbed on top of the comforter and leaned back on my elbow. I knew her body would unconsciously seek out the coolness of mine, and smiled to myself when I wasn't disappointed. As the heat of her body warmed mine slightly, I heard the change in her heartbeat that indicated she was waking up; it was almost as if she knew I was nearby, even in sleep. I raised the hand I wasn't leaning on to her face and ran the back of my index finger across her cheek; I did this several times before her eyes fluttered open.

_She looks so delectable when she's just woken up...so gorgeous._

Once her eyes focused and she realised it was me, she asked me how the hunt went.

"It was too long; I missed you so much," I replied, leaning down to feel the softness of her hair against my lips.

I could literally feel her rolling her eyes as she replied.

"It was just for like...wait, how long was I out for?"

"About five hours. We got back about an hour ago, but you looked so peaceful I didn't have the heart to wake you...literally," I answered with a smile.

"_Tsk Tsk. Lying now are we Eddie?" _Emmett's thoughts called out to me.

"Shut up," I whispered in a tone too low for Bella to hear.

I turned my attention back to Bella and caught the end of her saying that she thought she had put on a few pounds. I knew she had a few issues with self esteem, so I set about abating her worries.

"You are absolutely perfect the way you are, Bella."

_What's so bad about a few extra pounds anyway? _

_**We like it don't we? It makes her even more rounded in places.**_

"I do need to get my energy levels up Edward, and maybe get my body firmer. You know I read somewhere that Pilates and Yoga can help with that sort of thing."

_**Mmm, a sweaty Bella.**_

"I can think of another way to burn calories, Bella," I suggested, wondering if she would take the bait.

"Don't start what you can't finish, Edward," she said, while narrowing her eyes at me. Not only did she not take the bait, she rebuked my ill attempt at a joke.

"Bella, you have such a dirty mind, I was talking about kissing," I retorted.

"Oh please, kissing doesn't burn any calories," she scoffed in return, wrinkling her nose in the cutest way possible.

"Of course it does, it's scientifically proven. Here, I'll show you."

Which I proceeded to do.

Kissing Bella was like no other experience I'd ever had. The first time I ever kissed her, I thought I would simply die.

And then came the first time I felt her tongue against mine. The contrast in temperature and the taste that was all Bella was enough to make me lose all control and want to bury myself in her.

I was starting to get lost in the kiss, when she wrapped her arms around my neck and gripped my hair between her fingers. I couldn't stop the growl that escaped me and I kissed her even deeper. Her rapid heartbeat echoed loudly in my ears, giving the illusion that it beat inside my chest and signalling my warning that she was going to run out of oxygen soon. I reluctantly pulled away from her and smiled to myself as she struggled to catch her breath.

Her breathing slowed down after a few seconds and we engaged in light hearted banter before she informed me that she wanted to take a shower. I exited the room and joined my family downstairs, noting that Jasper and Alice were missing. When I enquired about it, I was bombarded with thoughts of Jasper suddenly grabbing Alice and heading for the woods as if chased by fire. I assumed he just wanted some alone time with his mate, so I refocused my attention on the stairs and anxiously waited for mine.

"Emmet, don't play with your food," Esme chided softly.

"Aww, Esme come on! You know they taste better when they put up a fight," he argued abck.

"Seriously Emmet, just hurry up so we can get back home," I quipped. I was anxious to get back home because Alice had told me she would be dropping Bella before she joined us to hunt.

"Dude, just start heading back cause we all know you want to get to Bella and I don't particularly feel like listening to you bitch at me," He said while rolling his eyes.

I ignored him and looked to Carlisle asking for permission to leave with my eyes. Before he even finished a nod, I was off like a rocket. I knew Carlisle and Esme like us to hunt as a family once in awhile but I just needed to be near Bella. Although she had been at a house just over a week ago, she and I hadn't spent much time between then and now. I must admit I was very surprised when she asked me to buy her an iPod because it wasn't like Bella to ask for anything but she said she needed a newer version with better features than the one she currently had and I jumped at the chance.

As I neared the house, I could hear thumping music coming from the north wing and I assumed Bella was testing out her new iPod on my speakers. I made my way into the house and using my keen sense of smell, I followed Bella scent to my room. The music was really loud, but I could faintly hear Bella's panting over it. Elation washed over me as I thought that maybe she was dancing.

Bella never danced. Not for me or for anyone, so the thought of me catching her was too tempting to think about how mad she would be once she realised I peeked in on her. I pushed the door open slowly and was hit with an image I was unprepared for.

Bella was half naked.

Bella was half naked, in my room.

Bella was half naked, in my room and had a bead of sweat that was currently making its way into her cleavage.

My sudden intake of breath did nothing to help as my lungs were suddenly filled with the potent smell of Bella's blood, heated from her obvious workout.

_Oh god she looks so _good_ and her smell..._

_**Just let it happen. You know you would both enjoy it!**_

_No, I can't...can I?_

_**Yes you can. Over and over and over again...**_

My control was slipping and in the two seconds it took for her to realise I was there I had conjured up various scenarios in which I took her hard against every surface available in my room before going downstairs to repeat the process.

"Edward, are you ok?" Her voice was soft, penetrating my brain through the fog of lust that clouded it.

I realised I was probably scaring her and so shook my head as if to dispel all crude thoughts I was having and answered her.

I'm fine Bella," I assured her, my voice laced with the remnants of my lust. "I just wasn't expecting to see you like this."

"How were you expecting to see me?" she asked, with a rough edge to her voice that I hadn't heard before.

I could hear the fear in her voice so I cleared my throat to make sure my voice sounded normal again and reigned in the monster that almost attacked her. Once Bella was sure I was okay, she continued with her workout stating that she wanted to stretch out before we could be together. I wanted her to wait until I left the room because I wasn't sure how much more I could take before I snapped but before I could tell her, she had resumed her workout.

The protest died in my throat as she struck a pose that caused the muscles in her back to ripple as she stretched them out. My breathing hitched slightly and I could feel my chest vibrate slightly with a need to let out a growl. By the time she stuck another pose that caused her ass to stick out into the air, I felt the need to tell her that I needed to leave.

"Bella..." My throat seemed to have gone dry in my arousal.

"Yes Edward?" she replied, and as she turned to face me with a small smirk on her lips, I saw the lust swimming in her eyes and was hit with the realisation that she had done the whole thing on purpose.

With this realisation came the snapping of the last shred of control I had and I whizzed over to her and captured her lips in a fierce kiss. Although I seemed to be running on auto-pilot, my sub conscious was aware that she was still human and very breakable so I was careful not to press to hard against her. As she wrapped her arms around me and tightened a hand in my hair, the growl that was threatening to escape finally burst forth from me. I wanted to be surrounded in her scent so I released her hair from the bun she put it in and was pleased when it fell in waves around her face.

I threaded my fingers through the luscious waves and tipped her head back, exposing her throat to me. I could see the area of skin that housed her carotid artery pulsing rapidly and I gently placed my lips over it. Her body tensed slightly at the thought of my teeth so close to her neck but I began raining kisses against her skin, letting her know that I meant no harm...not yet anyway. As I moved my lips towards her jaw and took the soft flesh of her earlobe between my teeth, I heard her exclaim in pain.

"Ungh, Edward...oh my god!"

Horror washed over me as I came back into my senses and realised what I was doing. Needing to put some distance between us, I used vampiric speed and placed her on the bed before banishing myself to the other side of the room.

_Oh god, what have I done?_

"I'm so sorry Bella, I shouldn't have done that, I don't know what came over me," I apologised profusely.

The monster in me had finally snapped and hurt her. There was no way I would ever forgive myself.

She rushed over to me and began assuring me that I didn't hurt her and she actually liked the force I had put behind our kiss.

I quickly scanned over her body and didn't see any bruises so I knew she was telling the truth, about me not hurting her at least.

_I _could _have hurt her, all it would take is a little too much force and... _

Before I could tell her all that she interrupted, reminding me that I didn't hurt her and suggesting that we picked up where we left off. She started kissing me again and as much as I wanted to return it, I couldn't shake the distress that had come over me after losing control like that. She noticed the lack of action on my part and called me out on it. I couldn't think of a reason to give to her that wouldn't make her feel unwanted so when I heard the voices of the family creeping into my mind as they neared the house, I happily decided to use them.

"Everyone will be back soon. You should freshen up and I'll have dinner waiting downstairs for you."

"Alright then, I'll be down in a few," she sighed.

I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen as the shower started upstairs. I was lost and confused about what had taken place upstairs and I took a second to rest my head against the fridge, hoping to gather my thoughts and pull myself together before the family got home. When I felt I could, I started getting things together for Bella's meal but as the door slammed shut signalling the arrival of my siblings and parents, I heard the unmistakable sound of heart-wrenching sobs coming from upstairs.

"_Oh Edward, what have you done?"_

_

* * *

_

**A/N: So was that worth waiting a whole year for?**

**I could rattle off excuses about what took me so long, but with all that was going on school wise, I just didn't have time to write. Now that I've finished, you can expect more from me =) **

**Do let me know what you think.**

**Review please?**


End file.
